Hollywood Hackery 102: Your Alcohol Mascot
Welcome to the very second installment of Hollywood Hackery. Here you are, a hardworking liquor conglomerate ready to sell your opiate to the masses, but you find your product lacking the kind of vital appeal you can only get from a desperately adorable dipsomaniacal mascot. No worries! by the time we’re done you’ll have hooked a whole generation on flushing their money quite literally down the toilet.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Saying “House of 1000 Corpses” is Rob Zombie’s least worst movie is kind of like choosing the least worst place to get stabbed. You’re still getting stabbed, and probably by a dirty redneck.
Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981)
This time of year, always expect the unexpected . . . like Oz reviewing an Italian zombie flick!
What?
In The Mouth Of Madness (1994)
Oh, you thought we forgot it was October? Not likely, although time does lose its meaning once you go beyond the infinite nothingness on the blackest edge of the cosmos, so we may be a little late. Let’s start making up for it with a little pic that will annihilate your soul! Or at least be perhaps the best Lovecraft movie ever made.
Someone Shares the Surname “Unspeakable!?!”
Good day, My name is Melissa Farrell, I am a senior partner in the Technical Advisory Board of Allied Irish Bank Group (Senior Security Specialist). We are conducting a standard process investigation on behalf of “AIB Group&, the International Banking conglomerate. This investigation involves a client who shares the same surname with you and also [...]
Women & Their Shit: An Online Odyssey
Being a true account of what it’s like going on dating sites and throwing myself into the waiting arms of the undead I mean women is what I typed.
Dagon (2001)
A timeless love story by way of H.P. Lovecraft.
Tombs of the Blind Dead (1972)
The only thing worse than not knowing what those secretive Templars were getting up to in their fortresses is finding out they’re planning a big ol’ dinner party.
Guess what the main course is? One hint: it’s not pasta.
12 Hours of Terror 2011
3 dudes (whoa–3D!), one theater, 7 movies. Add it all up and what do you get? Winning.
Swimfan (2002)
This year, the ladies are trying their hand at stalking and killing the opposite sex, and they don’t need to teleport or mutate–they can multitask!