The only thing worse than not knowing what those secretive Templars were getting up to in their fortresses is finding out they’re planning a big ol’ dinner party.

Guess what the main course is?  One hint: it’s not pasta.

3 dudes (whoa–3D!), one theater, 7 movies.  Add it all up and what do you get?  Winning.

This movie is about a computer raping a woman so their baby can rule the world. Sorry, but I’m gonna judge you for reading about it.

Oz: “The night HE phoned it in!”

Furor: Hey I wanna do one! “The awesome has GONE from here!”

Oz finally watches a horror classic for the first time while Furor wonders what the hell took him so long.

A sequel to one of the few good werewolf movies.  Usually this means that there’s nothing but pain in store, but not always.  Silver bullet or silver lining?  Guess you’ll just have to read the review.

It’s been ten years since the last batch of murders in Woodsboro, and Sidney Prescott is back in town to sign copies of her new book on overcoming victimhood. Well, fuck that Reader’s Digest feel-good psycho-babble, because there’s a new slasher in town. Ghostface has a sweet mask that never comes off in a fight, and a totally original new m.o.—killing teenage girls.

It turns out there is a name for this movie, after all: it’s “Derivative.”

Possibly the most facist movie ever made.  If you or anyone you know has a face, this movie hates you and wants you to know it.

Should you still watch it?  Hell yeah.

Squeak I tell you!  Squeak!!