The Nintendo 64 was a desolate console. When you reached for its controllers, tumbleweed literally blew out the game pack slot. There were only three real reasons to own one: 1)Goldeneye, 2)Mario Kart 64, and 3)gotta cach’em ALL gotta CATCH and own AND CATCH’EM ALL and OWN every FUCKING POKEMON game AND TRAIN my fucking POKEMON all FUCKING DAY LONG. Pika.

Mario Kart was probably the one with the most appeal. However, there were several ways that skilled Mario Kart players could be little bitches and ruin the fun for everyone else.

For those of you who don’t know, Ponderosa is famous for its Grand Buffet, dearth of overweight customers, and its ever-so-catchy slogan, “Coma and get it at Ponderosa.” That’s right. The restaurant was calling me out. “You want some, boyeeeee? Coma and get it.” All right, steakhouse. I’m bringing the noise. Funk probably knows better than to eat there, but at least I’m bringing the noise.

That’s right. Jackass was #1 at the box office the weekend of October 25th, grossing $22,763,437 according to the-numbers.com. Americans are given choices. Once again, they have chosen stupidity.

“The great American Experiment is over,” a saddened Benjamin Franklin lamented via renowned medium John Edward, who said Franklin’s message was preceded by a “fuh or vuh” sound.

Teenage pregnancy. It has become an epidemic in our time. Psychologists, sociologists, historians, and afterschool specials have delved into the possible causes, but until now, there has never been so thorough a discourse on this controversial subject. In every study, professionals, scholars, and radio talk show hosts have repeatedly missed the three major factors that contribute to teen pregnancy.