"buttery" syrup.... wtf..

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So I’m sitting there watching tv… and I see it: a commercial for a Syrup made by Eggo (“leggo my eggo!”). Or… so I think! I’m watching this commercial, and here we go, here’s the clincher, here’s what they guy says “Eggo Maple ’Flavored’ Syrup”. Did you see that, the ’Flavored’ bit? Well if it’s just Maple ’Flavored’, then what the fuck IS it? Do we not even know what the fuck is in our food anymore? I mean COME ON! Maple ’Flavored’?! Was it too much trouble to go stick a metal tube in a tree? Doesn’t that fuckin freak you OUT? Hell, have you seen Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup lately? Or, I should say, Hershey’s Chocolate ’Flavored’ Syrup! Hell I think they still got cocoa butter in there, but god help you if you can figure out what the hell the rest of the ingredients are. Have you ever read the ingredients for an instant iced tea mix? It’s like, Sugar, Instant Iced Tea Mix!!!! WAIT! We already KNEW that last one! What IS that!?! What are they so scared of?!?

I heard on the news once, that on strawberry ’flavored’ products (using a ’Natural Flavor’), it’s actually a ground up beetle that tastes like strawberries (cheap to manufacture). WTF!? A BEETLE?! I’m sorry is it THAT hard to dry and grind up a frickin strawberry????? It’s even scarier if it’s Artificial Flavors! WTF is THAT!? It’s like they mixed up a bunch of crap to fool you into thinking it’s something that it’s not. And since it’s ’Artificial’ that means it’s not even related to food! I’m scared. And you know what? People eat this stuff and think this is the way food tastes, this is the way food interacts with your body… NO! It’s NOT! It DOESN’T taste like REAL Maple Syrup, it DOESN’T taste like REAL Strawberries, and frankly I wanna know wtf is in my Instant Iced Tea Mix!

Oh god… we are all gonna die horrible deaths…