“For countless ages man has cast his eyes up to the stars and wondered: Is there an alien standing behind me with a ray-gun?”

Dear President Bush,

Greetings from across the pond. I trust the home fires are still burning. Recently I’ve spent some time in local pubs, a social institution regretfully absent in most of the U.S. of A. Of course I’ve been talking politics with the Bathonians, Bathites, and even a few Bathers. The general consensus seems to be that you are a pretty sorry president.

While walking through Chepstow Castle (Castell Cas-Gwent), history was almost palpable. I tried to wrap my mind around what the place would have looked like 800 years ago. Standing stone on stone until it cut the medieval sky. Hefting its weight over the country side, it must have dominated life. I wonder if a medieval peasant would have been affected as I am by the sight of a castle.

A person loses an average of 80 hairs a day. This means that I lost roughly 6.66 hairs at Abatey Tindryn (Tintern Abbey). I wonder exactly where I left them. In a way I’m envious because they get to spend the night watching the stars through the roofless abbey while the swallows sing their best Gregorian chants.

It was a beautiful 18th century afternoon. The sun was shinning, the birds were chirping, and all was right at Longleat. His Majesty’s carriage (HMC Calico) was slowly rolling down the immense stretch of dirt that led to the humble domicile of the Marquis of Bath. A sharp chirp and profuse hand clapping shook the royal girth of his majesty as he became overly delighted by the sight of the two fountains. Furthermore, the entire staff of the stately manor had arranged themselves outside so as to provide a proper and traditional welcome to King R. S. James XQV.

Imagine a man. A man that has just woken up at 12:03 p.m. to find himself lying in a street. It’s a completely ordinary street that has absolutely nothing about it that would distinguish it from any other street in any other suburb of any city north of the Equator.

This man has exactly 2 minutes until a KGB satellite passes over head. The KGB will kill this man if they find him. The only possible way for him to avoid detection is to begin running due south. How would he find south?

Three orbs floated in the endless blackness of the background. Throngs of people crawled about them and also on a fourth orb which was in the foreground. Volcanoes exploded hurling bodies in the air, lava burned skins, and demons savaged all in reach. Oh, and everyone was naked.