Welcome to the very second installment of Hollywood Hackery. Here you are, a hardworking liquor conglomerate ready to sell your opiate to the masses, but you find your product lacking the kind of vital appeal you can only get from a desperately adorable dipsomaniacal mascot. No worries! by the time we’re done you’ll have hooked a whole generation on flushing their money quite literally down the toilet.

Welcome to the first installment of Hollywood Hackery. We’re going to run you through the basics of making a completely inartistic pile of garbage that the general public will have no choice but to throw their money at. Best of all, you’ll be learning the craft of making a straight-to-video movie, so you may even be able to put these methods to use in your own basement.