Meadhall of the Comitatus

It was my duty to bring to you at least one H.P. Lovecraft-inspired movie review this Halloween, and what better film to show than one that’s found in the adult room of my local video store. That’s right, kids, this is a Lovecraft knockoff straight out of the Land of the Rising Sun, complete with gratuitous gore and explicit sex.

Mystery of the Necronomicon is not for people who like Lovecraft, anime, horror, or even sex. It’s for people with no time on their hands and a steady supply of alcohol. Sadly, I was out of both, but I perservered…for all your sakes.

If you are a complete idiot, you will not read more.

“Beware the sacrilege” and “eat of the bitter herb.”

I kicked the review into the river. HAHAHA

SPOILER: David Bowie is a homo.

Clive Barker’s above-underground horror franchise exploring the underpinnings of urban myth returns with a 3rd installment, at least on cable. This series, in addition to having some of the best locations for the genre, has many academic statements to make, and really, have you ever slammed a film for exploring the underpinnings of anything? Huh uh.

Over 25 years of being cool.

The dynamic duo take on the gizzliest beast of them all.

Come on, Vampires vs Werewolves? You had to see the semi high score coming. Combined with ancient blood feuds, twisting conspiracies, cool punk gothic universe, and some badass blood transfusion type stuff it’s almost inevitable. Of course the movie gets points docked for copying off of things in the White Wolf universe, not that that’s a bad place to copy from, but they don’t even admit it!

Some vixen vampire is still after a magical black cross that would allow it to walk in the daylight. Vampire hunters are dispatched and rehashed hijinks ensue.