So me and unspeakable are a bit behind on our reviews.  Since we don’t have any fancy time travel devices to go back and put these reviews up when they were still fresh (nevermind what the “time ripples” might do to the universe as we know it), we’re just going to play a bit of catch up, if we can.  So begins a two-part review: on one of the magic nights of wings and beer we picked “Sin City” and “Shoot ‘em Up.”  It was a good night indeed.

He's getting too old for this shit, but he'll still kick your ass.

Premise: 5/5

Sin City is epically badass.  Based on Frank Miller’s graphic novels of the same name, the movie has three different stories to tell (well, one story’s cut into two parts, so you might call it four stories), on top of a perfect opening vignette that’s unconnected with the rest of the stories.  I won’t spoil the opening scene because it’s about the greatest intro to what Sin City is and caught me completely off guard when I first saw it.

Sin City is not a nice place.  It’s got cops who let their guns do the talking to people’s man-parts, disfigured maniacs who love torturing the shit out of people, bloodthirsty hookers, and murderers that hallucinate conversations with corpses.  And the bad guys in these stories are even worse.

Any one of these stories is so full of amazing pulpy, noiry, awesome awesomeness that they’d be worth a five-star rating by themselves.  Added all together you have one fine package that’s absolutely worth seeing.

That's a mean case of road rage.

Cast:  (Oz gives it 4.5/5, Unspeakable gives it a 4.83/5 or something like that)

It’s hard to argue with the cast at all here: Bruce Willis as a badass mostly-honest cop, Mickey Rourke as a giant disfigured badass with a soft spot for a hooker he only had one night with, Jessica Alba at the pinnacle of her hotness playing a stripper (not quite badass, but close–plus STRIPPER), Benicio del Toro as probably the rudest slimiest assholiest fucker on the block, Elijah Wood as a creepy Harry Potter-looking psychopath (Frodo nooooooo!), and hell, even Pearl Harbor guy (oh, IMDB says his name is Josh Hartnett).  Typically everyone in the movie fits perfectly into their dark and gritty roles.

However, I can’t give any love to Clive Owen (who plays Dwight in “The Big Fat Kill” story with aforementioned bloodthirsty hookers) who is supposed to, I think, be the main character of the story.  Just about every line he recites literally sounds like he’s just reading off the page.  He never seems to inhabit his character and give it that extra boost of awesomeness that every other “main character” in Sin City does.  He’s just not that interesting, which is a shame because it sounds like the character would’ve actually been interesting if . . . well, if someone interesting was playing the part.  This is the fractional difference of a star between me and Unspeakable.

Un: Yeah.  I agree he was the least perfect of the bunch, but I’m pushing for Comitatus history here with a 5-Star review.

Elijah Wood doesn't even have any dialog, but he's one creepy mofo.

Technical: 5/5

First off: this movie is damn beautiful with its high-contrast noir sensibility.  Wiki or IMDB (can’t remember which, but they’re both totally valid sources of information) told me that Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez used the actual graphic novels as storyboards for directing the scenes.  And it does look like a graphic novel come to life on screen.  Every action sequence, every camera angle, hell, every action of any kind looks like it came straight off the page and gives the movie an artistic yet super-friggin-sweet look that would almost be worth the price of a rental by itself.  I also read on one of those totally valid sources of information on the internet that Robert Rodriguez refused to take a writing credit for the movie, since he viewed it more as a “translation” to film of Miller’s work than an “adaptation.”  I’m inclined to agree, based on what I’ve seen even though I don’t know the Sin City graphic novels.

Un: I have seen the graphic novels, and the art style is pretty minimalistic.  Which makes the use of black-and-white a must.  Rob pulls it off.  Like Oz said, this movie feels like a comic book.  Every single cut is eye-candy, which is only enhanced by every five minutes of plot being saturated in awesome.

A triumph of violence and art. Even Clive Owen can take a bow here.

Popcorn Factor: 5/5

What’s left to say?  This movie is awesome and you should see it.  It’s bloody, violent, dark, morbid, and amplifies the excitement of those ingredients with a distinctly cool style and flair all its own.  Really, just see it already.  Now.