The king of flowers is obvious by appearance alone, as a rose by any other name would still shit all over every other flower. Right on the stamen. You shouldn’t even question it.

I am a rose of course. Personally I happen to be red but all of my brothers and sisters are different colors. Every other flower is a racist compared to us non-biggoted roses. We actually bother to diversify. Other flowers may as well bend over and die in the sorrow of single style-ism. Oh sure, you think, but don’t lilies and a few other flowers come in multiple varieties. Let me explain this to you: Roses get you sex. No other flower gets people sex like a rose does, and who doesn’t like sex? Daffodils obviously, or else they would be king of flowers, loved the nation over. But you don’t get petals like this by being an ugly dandelion, and you don’t get thorns like I have by being one of those pussy snap-dragons (what a joke that name is).

And for those of you who’d like to try and stand up to me remember: I grow on bushes and vines. I will find you and I will kill your whole family, and maybe even your entire order. Every rose has its thorn… embedded in your style.