Season’s Bleatings from Fu Schnickens
*You are all filing slowly out of the grand feasthall into the adjoining stone corridor, having just enjoyed the inimitable “Stacy,” first review of the season. Nary a dry eye in the house, and you’re all streching your arms a bit when HOLY CRAP A MONKEYPIGDEMON JUST DROPPED DOWN 5 FEET IN FRONT OF YOU.*
“…Romero Rekill Unit??! Really? REALLY??”
It is indeed the Meadhall’s own boogeyman, Fu Schnickens, deplorable as he is venerable.
“I don’t get Stacy. There, I said it. A-BUUUH, okay? I had this whole thing I had prepared, but no, there’s no room for it now. Look what you did,” he breathes, regarding brave Sammhain with a harvest-moon glare. “And what’s your DEAL anyway? Who would pick that off the shelf, sit on it for years running, JUST so he could RUIN whatever it is I was gonna do for tonight. And I don’t even understand how you can LIKE a movie where you have SEX with women and then KILL THEM afterward. I thought I knew a little bit about you people.
ANYHOOS, one thing I wanna get straight is that I’m eating somebody this year. Well, I mean, onna YOU guys. It’s gonna happen, so live it up this month is all I’m saying. Watch for that soon. Seriously. Not kidding about that.
WHAT?
For his work on "The Strangers," Fu got his own official statblock.
Aside from my nerd dinner, you can also aspire to review a flick or two with me. Who. Who would have a problem with that. They got all kindsa new movies this year at the Rafterbuster. And don’t be all like “Strangers was gay,” because you know what, yeah kinda it was, I mean I’m not gonna eat your lunch for that. Everybody gets one. This year, though, I GOT THIS.
While I’m down here for what will surely feel like an eternity, I DO need playtesters to try a sample combat in my new Streets of Rage RPG. Everyone’s doing amazing RPGs nowadays so I’m trying my hand at it. I’ll run a brief play-by-post encounter that showcases my new freeflow mechanics for everyone’s favorite beat-’em-up ’90s game. Signup roster has its own thread. DO NOT RUN SCREAMING AWAY FROM THIS AWESOME OPPORTUNITY.
Stacy. Sheesh. He even had the eyeball cap in there–that quiet little fetish started grossing me out years ago. I’m gonna post about this somewhere else on the Internet. Anyway, bunny women with chainsaw arms are funny as hell and that’s the real point–try your very hardest to keep me that entertained this year. Try as hard as your insides are squishy, puny Northmen! I got a monster party to hit, so I’ll brutalize ya later. An’ I’m OUT. *it takes him a full ten minutes to shamble back up the wall, very awkwardly spent and quickly forgotten in the many ballads to come.*