Oh, those wacky Ohio voters. Apparently the only people who vote in Ohio are self-righteous Christians and self-righteous old-as-fuck people who don’t leave their homes except to vote. Here’s some shit they continue to stir up in my home state:

A letter to President Bush.

September 30th, 2004: the Republican nominee and sitting President of the United States, George W. Bush, faces off against the Democratic nominee, Senator John Kerry, in the first of three Presidential Debates. For those of you who missed out on the television coverage, here is the Comitatus Condensed Paraphrased Edition of the debate.

Dear President Bush,

Greetings from across the pond. I trust the home fires are still burning. Recently I’ve spent some time in local pubs, a social institution regretfully absent in most of the U.S. of A. Of course I’ve been talking politics with the Bathonians, Bathites, and even a few Bathers. The general consensus seems to be that you are a pretty sorry president.

That’s right. Jackass was #1 at the box office the weekend of October 25th, grossing $22,763,437 according to the-numbers.com. Americans are given choices. Once again, they have chosen stupidity.

“The great American Experiment is over,” a saddened Benjamin Franklin lamented via renowned medium John Edward, who said Franklin’s message was preceded by a “fuh or vuh” sound.